Have you ever wanted to know how to make friends with people?
How to increase your sales?
Or how to become a better leader?
The secret lies in communication and building relationships.
Many of the best lessons I’ve learned came from the book: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
It’s one of the classic books that many entrepreneurs would take it as their learning textbook.
And it became one of my learning textbooks too.
In it has stories of the best communicators and salesmen who made the impossible possible via very effective relationship building.
Here are some of the best lessons and quotes from the book.
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
When dealing with people, remember that people are not driven by logic. We are dealing with people of emotion bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
Benjamin Franklin, once tactless during his youth, became diplomatic and skillful in handling people. His secret of success?
“I will speak no ill of no man.” he said.
“A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”
2. Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation
There is only one way to get somebody to do anything.
There is only one way.
The only way to get people to do something is by giving you what they want.
One of the things most people want includes the desire to be important.
Abraham Lincoln once wrote in a letter saying “Everybody likes a compliment.”
The best way to make someone want to do something is to appreciate that person.
Give praise and encouragement to the person. But it must be authentic and from the heart. Otherwise, you’ll look like a fraud.
Instead of giving a general praise like “great job”, offer specific praise like “I really like how you and your team organise the tables and gift boxes and event, not only it looks beautiful, you also engage with the audiences. Great job.”
One again, give honest and sincere appreciation from the heart.
3. Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want
The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Henry Ford once said: “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
The world is full of people who are selfish. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.
People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never to worry about what the future has in store for them.
Remember, first, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot, walks a lonely way.
6 Ways to Make People Like You
4. Become Genuinely Interested In Other People
You can make more friends by being genuinely interested in them.
People are interested in themselves, morning, noon and after dinner.
If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true, sincere friends. Friends, real friends are not made that way.
If we want to make friends, we have to put ourselves out to do things for other people. Things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
Hence, keep this principle in mind if you want others to like you, develop real friendships, and want to help others at the same time as you help yourself,
Have you heard that a smile is worth a million dollars?
Action speak louder than words. And a smile says: “I like you. You make me happy. I’m glad to see you.”
Your smile is a message of goodwill. A smile brightens the lives of all who see it.
For someone who has seen a dozen of frowning or scowl, your smile is like a sun breaking through the clouds.
Especially when that someone is under a lot of stress from his bosses, his customers, his teacher or parents or children, a smile make him realise that all is not lost, that there is joy in the world.
That’s why videos of dogs meeting their owners make them a popular hit. They are so glad to see us that they always jump. So naturally, we are glad to see them.
A baby’s smile has the same effect.
Encourage yourself to smile.
You don’t feel like smiling? There are 2 things you can do.
First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing.
Second, act as if you are already happy. This will tend to make yourself happy.
Psychologist and philosopher William James said: “Action seems to follow feeling, but in fact action and feeling go together. By regulating the action, which is under the control of will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling.”
So smile, not just an insincere grin, but a real smile.
6. Remember That a Person’s Name Is To That Person Sweetest and Most Important Sound In Any Language
Most people don’t remember names.
The reason is that we don’t take time and energy necessary to concentrate and remember them. Our excuse – we are too busy.
One of the simplest and most important ways of gaining goodwill is by remembering names and making people feel important.
Yet how many of us do it?
Most of the time when we are introduced to a stranger, we chat a few minutes and can’t remember his or her name by the time we say goodbye.
People really value their name or nickname that they go by.
Politicians are incredible in remembering names. And the ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contacts as it is in politics.
One way to remember names is to write them down or try to incorporate their name into a conversation. For example, instead of “Hey how’s it going?”, try changing it to “Hey Jenny, how’s it going?”.
No matter a waitress or a CEO of a company, the name will work magic as we deal with them.
Because a name set the individual apart and it makes him or her unique among all others.
So try your best to remember people’s names the next time you have a conversation with them.
7. Be A Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves
One of the most important skills a successful person can have is the ability to listen.
People who talk only of themselves think only of themselves.
Hence, to be a good conversationalist, and have people enjoy having you around, you have to be an attentive listener.
To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other person will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
Remember, the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems.
“A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people.”
8. Talk In Terms of The Other Person’s Interest
The road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most.
Anyone who was ever a guest of Theodore Roosevelt was always impressed by his range and diversity of his knowledge. Whether his guest was a cowboy, a politician or a diplomat, Roosevelt knew what to say.
How did he know so much? The answer is simple. Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.
Therefore, the key to building rapport with people is to find out what people are interested in and direct your conversation towards that topic.
9. Make The Other Person Feel Important And Do It Sincerely
There is one all-important law of human conduct.
If we obey the law, it will bring us countless friends and constant happiness.
But if we break the law, it will bring us countless trouble.
This law is: Always make the other person important.
Confucius preached it in China centuries ago.
Laozi taught it to his disciples.
Buddha preached it hundreds of years before Christ.
Jesus taught it among the stony hills in Judea.
This is the Golden Rule, the law of reciprocity, which is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated oneself.
So if we want to be appreciated, and feel important, we should first make others feel appreciated and important.
How? When? Where?
The answer is: All the time, everywhere.
“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
The Secret Lies Within You
These are some of the best lessons on how to win friends and influence people.
I’m sure you have found it inspiring and useful.
Use the lessons in your life and I guarantee you’ll change and find success in dealing with people you meet.
These lessons will be your secret ingredient of success.
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